Holiday Cheer and Holiday Fear
Earlier, but around this time last year, I wrote an article that had to do with tackling holiday shopping and the added stress of shopping with an IBD (inflammatory bowel disease). Come to think of it, that may have made an appearance on the old site before the transition over, I can’t truly remember as it’s officially been over a year of writing for AFL! Anyway, that anniversary stuff can come in the next article, let’s tackle the issue at hand. The holidays. Now this is a bit retroactive seeing as New Year’s is just about here and Christmas has passed, but it’s still applicable to some, and a good reminder to others.
The winter holidays have got to be my favorite part of the year. I really don’t know why, but it definitely has to do with the snow, the decorations, the music, and most importantly, the family. I love getting into the car on Christmas Eve, with the snow gently falling all around, and the cold air hitting my face as we head off to the evening celebrations. Always nothing but good memories. I get to see all the family I haven’t seen for most of the year, and then I get to travel with my wife and her family to visit all of their relatives in the States and across Ontario. It’s a week full of excitement….and stress. Let me explain this last part. It’s not the family, or the in-laws, or the gift buying that causes this stress, but rather it’s the disease I suffer from that is the source from my anxiety. At this point, I start to feel like a broken record: disease this, and disease that; usually ending with a “you can do it” finale. Yet, this time I’m not here to give a “rah-rah!” speech. No, rather, I am here to talk about my experience over the last two years, the anxiety that devours me leading up to these holidays, and just how pointless that anxiety turned out to be (spoiler alert?).
So, what’s the deal? I just said the holidays are my favorite time of year and then right after said that they cause me some serious stress and anxiety. Well, let me explain. I’ve already said why I love the holidays, so where does the anxiety come from? First of all, I have less control over what I eat. That sounds like a crappy excuse but it’s true. Normally, I have foods I try to avoid or at least limit. I don’t follow a special diet, although this is on the plans for the upcoming year to see just how diet effects IBDs. Yet, during the holidays, I usually fall to the whims of whatever is being served at the get together I am at. For example, when I visit my dad’s for Christmas, we eat finger foods. Sausage rolls and spring rolls, oven baked cheeses and crackers. It’s a whole world of goodness for my taste buds, yet not the same can be said for my stomach. I truthfully shouldn’t eat it as it probably is bad for the health of my intestine, but in the moment, I don’t care and eat away. Let’s just say I pay the price every time. This usually happens more than once over the holidays, especially on the road trips when Tim Horton’s and pizza becomes your best friends. Sitting at home, this isn’t normally a problem but sitting with friends and family, or an impending road trip coming the next day, this is a recipe for anxiety.
The second big source of anxiety comes from the road tripping itself. Usually we are on a tight schedule, with the hopes of only one or two stops along the way for a 2-5 hr trip. Realistically, it’s rare that I last during a normal day for 2-5 hours without having to use the bathroom, now add some food that doesn’t sit well and present anxiety of being the cause for having to pull over, and it’s looking like a miracle that I’d be okay. Needless to say, I am not the best when it comes to road trip accomplices.
Then, last but not least, there is just the excitement of seeing everyone again, but the anxiety of people noticing the number of times I disappear, of seeing sympathy on their faces, or just being the odd one out with something wrong with him. I don’t know why this matters, but truth is, it does. It gets to me. I hate seeing people looking at me like a wounded puppy. Just makes me feel bad. I don’t blame them, I can’t; after all, I am sick aren’t I? I think it just confirms my illness, so it bugs me.
Yet, with all that said, this year was a landmark for the holidays. Probably the best holidays yet since being diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis. Through this site, through participation in sport, and various conversations I’ve had over the year, I’ve begun to look at my disease a lot differently. I’ve begun to not necessarily accept the disease in a sense of just giving up, but rather accepting I have the disease, but fighting back tooth and nail to not let it rule my life. Every other year I was either starving myself at family gatherings or popping Immodium to reduce bathroom trips (advised against on the box for people with UC….oops), or coming up with wild schemes to reduce symptoms. Yet, this year was different. I decided, yes I have UC, but I can beat it. I used mind over matter and tackled the anxiety instead of the chronic disease. What a difference! I didn’t take one single Immodium all trip and I didn’t cause any bathroom breaks just for me this year (something unheard of given that we drove 5 hours at one point). I was able to visit family, eat what I enjoyed, and have a relatively good time this year. It really was a great trip, and it all started with my outlook. I started this trip telling myself that this year would be different and it was!
Now, that’s not to say that my disease just disappeared. It was still there. I still had stomach pains during the drives, and the parties. I still went to the bathroom more than once a day, even more than three times. But I didn’t let it get me down. I still had some anxiety, but again, I looked passed it. I even was able to have an alcoholic drink at a party without fear for the first time in years! I was finally able to “let my hair down” sort of speak. It was great! The holidays no longer held major amounts of stress over me.
Yet, with that, the holidays are coming to a close, and it’s time to get back to work. It’s time to get back into the weight room, and back on the soccer pitch to make improvements there. It’s time to get back to school, get my degree and look towards the future. It’s a big semester coming up, with my research practicum and internship both happening, plus final classes. It will be a busy year, but I have a feeling that 2017 has a lot of good things in store!
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